| Sense and Sensuality - Imitation Orgasm - Summer 08 |
|
|
|
| Written by Sarah Stefanson | |||||||
|
Why are we manufacturing faux orgasms and how can we stop? According to an ABC News Primetime Live Poll conducted in 2004, 48 per cent of women have faked an orgasm. It's true that men sometimes fake them, as well, but the false climax is still safely in the realm of the feminine. So why does half of the female population feel it necessary to pretend? I decided to perform my own informal survey of a group of my friends, family, and acquaintances to get some first-hand answers about why women are acting in the bedroom. The questionnaire was simple: two questions for women and two questions for men. The women were asked, "Have you ever faked an orgasm?" to which nearly all of the responders said, "Once or twice." Of the women who chose, "Never" from the multiple choice list, all claimed to have high sex drives (often higher than their male partners). One woman chose "On a regular basis" for an answer, but the reason was surprising. "I always manage to get at least 1 or 2 real ones in, but because the number varies up to 5 (yes, he's THAT good), sometimes I fake one or two just to keep it consistent. It has benefits though: faking one gets him excited and keeps his energy level up, and faking an orgasm burns close to as many extra calories as having a real one." The second question for the women was, "Why did you fake your orgasm?" The answers to choose from were: a) I just wanted to get it over with. b) I didn't want to hurt his ego. c) I don't know how to have a real orgasm. d) Another reason. Please specify. Most of the women claimed a combination of a and b were the reasons they faked it, which means we're awfully considerate of our partners' feelings...or we just don't want to deal with the consequences of telling them we failed to climax. The men were asked, "Have you ever suspected that a woman faked an orgasm while with you?" a) Once or twice. b) On a regular basis. c) Never. A few male participants were confident that their female partners had never faked an orgasm with them, while the rest claimed to have suspected it at least once or twice. When asked how it would make them feel if they found out that a woman had faked an orgasm with them, the men's answers varied a little more. A couple of them insisted they would be indifferent to the news, but most admitted it would upset them. One man in a committed relationship said, "How does she expect me to know how we could improve our sexual life if she's faking an orgasm?" Another responder wrote that he'd feel something "more along the lines of disappointment in the breakdown of communication and sense of dishonesty." So ladies, it seems most men do want to know if you've been working on your acting skills in the bedroom, if for no other reason than to learn how to improve their technique. You don't have to placate their male egos after all; they want to learn! Trust me, this is one lesson both teacher and student will enjoy. It turns out that men may understand our reasons for faking better than we think. A friend that responded to the survey put forth another aspect of this issue that I hadn't previously considered. He said that men fake their orgasms more often than women expect. Ever the helpful young man, he offered some possible situations in which this may occur (and I quote): a) after the 1st/2nd/3rd times, it's tough to muster one up! b) masturbated earlier in the day and therefore it's difficult, no matter how good the sex is. c) drunk. Less feeling in the extremities! d) tired. Sometimes you just need to get some sleep! Perhaps we're not so different after all. I, for one, hope this is not a growing trend. If we're spent/drunk/tired, can't we just tell our partner that instead of lying and putting on a little act for their so-called benefit? The female orgasm is a little too complicated to be covered by my friend's list. Women have a tenuous relationship with the orgasm. Most of us experience our first orgasm by our own hands (or shower nozzle) and many struggle to replicate the experience once a partner is involved. We become very skilled at making ourselves climax, but we find it difficult to teach our partners the same techniques. For some, just bringing up the subject is humiliating enough to resign us to a life of faked intercourse orgasms and private real ones with our own hands. The fact is most women do not climax from intercourse alone, but a surprising amount of both women and men believe that the woman should always be able to climax this way. Depending on which resource you consult, anywhere from 10 to 30 per cent of women say they have orgasms every time they have intercourse. This leaves a lot of women who are not climaxing through intercourse alone on a consistent basis. One of my female survey participants said the reason she had faked orgasms in the past was because she "didn't know how to have one with someone else besides with manual stimulation." In an ongoing poll conducted by the website www.the-clitoris.com, women were asked how often they faked orgasms during manual stimulation of the vulva, oral stimulation of the vulva, manual stimulation of the vagina, and vaginal intercourse. For the first three options, the highest percentage was 5 per cent, but for vaginal intercourse, the frequency more than doubled to 13 per cent. Based on this evidence, it's safe to say that most of our faked orgasms occur during intercourse without additional manual stimulation of the clitoris. Therefore, it only makes sense that we take a brief look at the basics of this unique female organ (the only human organ designed purely for sexual pleasure). The clitoris is the woman's version of the penis. In fact, the clitoris is created from the same tissues that would have developed into the glans and upper shaft of a penis if an embryo were exposed to male hormones. Our tiny pea-sized pleasure spot contains as many nerve endings as the entire penis. Getting yourself and your partner more intimately acquainted with your clitoris may be the first step to avoiding the need for bogus orgasms in the future. If you have become friends with your clitoris and are still finding it difficult to climax, you may have a condition called anorgasmia, which basically means the inability to orgasm. Before you start panicking about your newfound sexual dysfunction, rest assured that most cases of this affliction can be alleviated through pure relaxation. If you find that even under the most ideal circumstances you still cannot find your climax, you should consult your doctor to determine if there are any physical reasons preventing it, such as taking certain medications (especially anti-depressants), diabetic neuropathy, multiple sclerosis, pelvic trauma, hormonal imbalances, or cardiovascular disease. While we're in the process of exposing the feigned orgasm, let's abolish the concept of orgasm as ending. From my informal survey and from more official polls, I discovered that one of the main reasons women (and men, apparently) fake it is to bring sex to an end. Many people feel that sex isn't finished until one or both of the participants achieve orgasm, but I think this is a very narrow-minded way to view the sexual act. There is a lot more to sex than orgasm and having one isn't always necessary or even possible. Nor does sex always have to include intercourse. The 1990s saw the introduction of the term 'outercourse' to describe the practice of sexual activity without penetration. If we restructure our perception of what makes sex sex, we are more likely to enjoy a fulfilling sensual life. On the other hand, who says the first orgasm is your cue to stop? Once you learn to fully embrace your climax, multiple orgasms can't be far off! Comments (0)
 Write comment
| |||||||
View all articles by this author |
|||||||
Show/Hide comments
Show/Hide comment form
| < Prev | Next > |
|---|
