| Sense and Sensuality - The Positive Side of the Sex Trade - Spring 08 |
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| Written by Sarah Stefanson | |||||||
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Can a woman choose to work in the sex trade without being degraded or oppressed? The adult industry has a bad rap for several supportable reasons: the involvement of children, the connection to drugs and organized crime, the mental and physical health risks, and the exploitation and degradation of sex workers. Many young women turn to prostitution when they find themselves on the street or struggling with substance abuse problems. It may seem like the only thing that can help them survive. But what about those individuals that choose the profession of their own free will, even when they have several other viable options available to them? Can a sex positive woman be empowered by working in the adult industry? In many cases, the answer is no. I have, however, come across one intelligent, articulate woman who has carved out a place for herself in the sex trade. Her job fulfils her sense of adventure, her desire to meet new, interesting people, and allows her to express herself sexually. Sophia is a 25-year-old professional independent escort based in Vancouver. She describes herself as a 'girl next door'. "I have a partner and three dogs. I'm close with my family, do plenty of volunteer work, and work really hard with this and my other businesses. I work out at the gym, go grocery shopping, host barbecues for my neighbours and fundraisers for charity. I don't imagine I am much different than anybody [in that regard]." When asked what it was that led her to begin working in the industry, she replies, "As is the case with most ladies, I began this venture while I was working on my degree. I realized that I didn't have enough hours in a day to work full time to support myself and still study as much as I needed to ensure that I obtained the 4.0 average I needed." She had always been intrigued by the industry and one day found herself picking up the phone to call a local agency. She went in for an interview the next morning and was working by noon. Sophia admits that if the process had taken any longer, she may not have gone through with it. Though she was on call at the agency for a full 40-hour week, she would often only see clients for a couple hours of every day. The rest of the time she was able to study and she still got paid for a full day's work. After 10 weeks, Sophia realized she could do the same work on her own, without the agency taking half of her earnings. The opportunity to more carefully screen the men she would be with instead of letting the agency decide also appealed to her. Once she had more control over the situation, "it shifted from being a means of support to an extremely empowering avenue of personal growth." She continued to see clients throughout the six years she was in University. She was able to not only obtain two degrees (she has a Masters degree in a field she'd rather not disclose and is a qualified dietician), but also meet a fascinating variety of friends she likely would not have encountered otherwise. She quotes Mark Twain when discussing her simultaneous lives as student and courtesan, "Don't let your schooling get in the way of your education." Sophia still works in the adult industry while also running other businesses related to her education. She certainly no longer relies completely on being an escort for her income, so why does she continue to see clients? "I wouldn't still be here if the good didn't far outweigh the bad," she explains. "Every job or interaction has both its positive and negative attributes. I would say my job as a job is almost entirely positive." Perhaps the most tedious part of her job is the administrative work that is necessary to maintain the quality of her client pool. She spends about 40 hours a week responding to emails and phone calls, advertising and maintaining her website, purchasing items needed for dates, and, of course, carefully screening potential clients. Because she is so careful with her screening process, she says that most of the men she meets are, "respectful, kind, courteous, interesting, intelligent, and fascinating." Her clients range in age from 25 to 55 and, for the most part, are simply too busy to devote themselves to a romantic relationship. Their heavy work and travel commitments would be unfair to a traditional girlfriend, so they look for alternative ways to enjoy the company of a woman. For some, hiring someone like Sophia is the easiest, no strings attached way to spend quality time with a woman without having to commit to anything else. Sophia has a great amount of respect for her clients. "They are the sort of gentlemen who would have absolutely no problem dating or marrying any woman they wanted. They are not social outcasts by any means. They are extremely attractive to women and would be considered a fantastic catch by any standard." Most of her clients are regulars who repeatedly engage her services. Rather than one-time encounters, Sophia says she prefers to develop long-term relationships, "with none of the negative stuff." Her clients are friends with benefits and her interactions with them are devoid of jealousy, petty fights, and micromanaging of each other's lives. The nature of her relationships with them often allow both to confide in each other in ways that married people are not able to. The screening process is incredibly important to ensure that her clients are compatible and she frequently suggests that another lady might suit a person better if he doesn't make the right impression on her. "I'm sure I decline plenty of wonderful gentlemen just because they made a bad first impression over email, but I would rather decline 100 wonderful men then get stuck with one I don't like." Of course, there is a negative side to her chosen profession. She has had bad experiences with dates before, including some unsettling encounters with stalkers. She considers herself lucky, however, to have only had one very dangerous interaction in which a client showed up for a date high on meth (a client being under the influence of drugs or alcohol is an immediate date ender for Sophia). When she attempted to end the date, the client became irate and physical. She was raped (luckily, he used a condom) and escaped with a broken finger and some bruises. Sophia makes a point of saying that even if the man is paying for an escort's services, if she says no and he continues anyway, it is rape. The incident was reported to the police and the individual is now in prison. Another negative aspect of her job is that it sometimes puts a strain on the other relationships she has in her life. Since she doesn't believe in basing any relationship on lies, her family is aware that she works as an escort. "While they don't necessarily support my choices, they do support me. And they respect me for having the integrity to be forthright." From discussing the occupation with Sophia, it seems that she highly values the mental and emotional connections she achieves with her clients, but what about the physical side? When she was with the agency, the main focus of her dates was on sexual acts and favours, but on her own, she says dates don't always result in getting physical. In fact, according to Sophia, "there seems to be a huge reverse correlation between price and expected services. There is an old joke which says 'the more you pay, the less you play'...and to a large degree that holds true." What Sophia offers is more about real companionship: "laughing, bantering, flirting, intelligent conversation, exchanges of ideas, sharing sights and activities with a kindred spirit and the sensuality and connection of two people." She jokes that she doesn't have any additional body parts or orifices than a woman who charges $200 for her services, so if sexual gratification was all a man was looking for, he would be better off choosing a different escort. Sophia has remained in the industry for much longer than anticipated because of the many rewards she receives from it, but says she would consider hanging up the stilettos when one of three things happens: 1) an event related to the job is so bad that it is no longer worth it; 2) her partner asks her to stop; or 3) it stops being fun. One of her philosophies is that "life is too short to spend in a rut of something you don't love." Sophia describes her unique relationship: "My partner hates what I do, but understands that it is part of what makes me who I am. He is able to compartmentalize my clients from himself, and knows at the end of the day, I come home to him. He is completely monogamous with me, and doesn't use any of the money I earn as a companion." He is obviously a very understanding and accommodating man. "I know he wants me to quit, but he wants me to want to," Sophia shares. "If he actually asked me to, I would know it was because he was no longer able to handle it, and that if I didn't, it would then affect our relationship." With the support of her partner, friends, and family, she does not find it difficult to respond to those who might say that her occupation is degrading to women. "It certainly can be degrading -- as can anything. It's all in how you view it and the options you have available to you. When we make a conscious choice to do something, then it is empowering. If we have no other options and are forced into something, whether it is due to lack of other skills and options or physical force, [it's different]." In fact, she has had many jobs that weren't in the adult industry in which she felt more degraded. "I didn't feel valued, I didn't want to be there, and it was really just a means to an end. In my opinion, I was prostituting myself in those jobs far more than I ever have done as a companion." Sophia realizes it's obviously not for everybody, and she "would never suggest anybody enter this field without really weighing the options." She suggests that being a companion does not define who she is any more than being a writer defines who I am. "For me it is empowering, though I know of a lot of woman who are not so fortunate. People treat you with the same amount of respect which you give yourself." Want to learn more? Visit Sophia's website at www.elegantsophia.com. Comments (0)
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